his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
handjob tips. give me some.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
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