i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
