He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
