My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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