I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
