I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
