and you said cock pushups were impossible
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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