oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
only if we run a train.
done.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
