If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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