Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
