I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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