when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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