but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
