Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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