he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
