"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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