Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
