I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
