dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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