Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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