Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Drunk is a universal language darling
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