i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
