it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
