Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
