I showed him my bush... on skype.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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