...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
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