she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
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