I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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