Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
