I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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