You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
how drunk are you?
Several
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
