I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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