I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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