WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
You ruined the universe
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
