pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
