Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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