There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
