Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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