We named our party play list daddy issues
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Randomize
