you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
