I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
