Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
