new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
