worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
