You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
