He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
