yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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