Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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