You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
