I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
