she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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