You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
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