i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
