yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I have grass duct taped all over my body
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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