genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
