so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Randomize
