You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
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